Recently I invited a few of my friends over with their spouses for dinner. The party was going on and the mood and energy levels in my living room and dining area were quite normal. The guests were chatting, exchanging notes, taking updates about children’s activities interspersed with moments of quietness and low energy. That was the time when I thought of involving everyone and I threw a question “Should you check your spouse’s cellphone?”
Suddenly there were so many colors and expressions on everyone’s face. Perhaps no one expected this topic to come up out of the blue and maybe it was too private or controversial thing to be discussed openly. Whatever may be the thoughts of my guests, it was a thoroughly interesting discussion with many interesting views and revelations.
I am sharing below each individual’s views, of course the interesting but the relevant ones only and boring or too irrelevant points have been edited out.
Husband #1 – A top level executive working in Multinational Telecom Company
We are quite independent and both of us use internet extensively for browsing and searching the information. Since I am quite busy, I have made sure that my wife is comfortable working on laptop as well as the smart phone. I am happy that today she helps kids with their studies, does online shopping and she researches information so that she does not have to depend on me or for that matter on the kids.
I have full trust in my partner so there is no question of checking her cellphone or laptop. Of course, when I have nothing better to do, I sometimes enjoy her text messages exchanges with our relatives. It updates me and also entertains me too. But I know for sure that my wife does like the idea of reading the messages so I do it when she is in the kitchen or in the bathroom but it is quite dangerous as I don’t want to have marriage problems. Therefore, I do it only once in a while and that too with no bad intention.
Wife #1 – A home maker and mother of two teenage school going kids
I don’t think that the partners should regularly snoop or scan through each others’ cell phones or laptops. This is the clear indication of mistrust and can lead to further problems in the married life.
Also the message going out to children would not be a good one. They may mistrust their siblings and going further, they would snoop on their spouses by checking their laptops and phones.
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Husband #2 – A rich real estate dealer
Ha ha ha, I only know how to send the message and to make or receive the calls. I have no accounts on facebook or twitter. Since my internet skills are limited and I don’t care too, I have no competency to check my wife’s phone either. Incidentally, she does not use laptop so I have better things to worry about.
Wife #2 – A socialite and kitty party lover
Yes I love surfing and checking about jewelry on Instagram. I am regular on Facebook, Snap chat and Instagram. Of course, I am quite aware and updated about the latest trends in fashion relating to apparels, accessories, shoes, watches and jewelry. Of course, my husband has to spend more money now due to my purchases, but he earns well, isn’t it?
Husband #3 – A successful criminal lawyer; kids studying abroad
Even between husband and wife, there has to be personal space and the both the partners should respect each other’s privacy. I am well within my right to guard my information, interests and browsing preferences. Sharing data, pictures or even passwords is no way a sign of love. On the contrary if you keep your little secrets to yourself, it cannot be said that you mistrust your partner.
I am absolutely against the idea of checking my spouse’s cellphone or letting her access my laptop, leave alone going through my browsing history. I have enough nuisance keeping up with my own emails and text messages and on the top of it I have no desire to wade through my life partner’s.
Wife #3 – A successful corporate lawyer
I don’t think husband and wife should try to read SMS messages in each others’ phones surreptitiously. Snooping is unethical and a crime in some countries. In this busy life and the world overloaded with too much information, there has to be some space between two partners – even if they are husband and wife. Though married, I believe that they are two separate individuals also. I am of firm belief that this should be respected by all and one should not even need a reminder.
Husband #4 – A famous health and fitness instructor, working with celebrities
I don’t mind sometimes checking my partner’s email. It keeps me informed that what is going on in the world of my partner – real world as well as her thought process. By checking her e mails or cell phone, I am not justifying snooping or peeping into her private space but to get myself a feedback. This feedback keeps me on my toes.
Having been divorced once, I can’t take my partner’s happiness and loyalty for granted. This reminds me of her tastes, preferences and if I am taking care of her. I have to make myself desirable and adorable to her – no matter what!
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Wife #4 – A well known fashion designer, having her own label and boutiques
Even I don’t mind checking my partner’s cellphone or laptop. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I consider that his business should not have any secrets – as far as I am concerned. Therefore, I regularly check my partner’s emails, voicemails and texts. And I don’t mind admitting that I have his passwords too. Also read: Reasons Why Married Men Fall in Love with Other Woman
I have had a failed marriage earlier due to miscommunication and misunderstanding. So prevention is better than cure. If there is something suspicious in text messages or photos in emails, I immediately question him about that. I am worried about women sending flirty or double meaning messages to my husband. Thus by monitoring, I am him aware that there is somebody he is committed to and he can’t fool around. This will be helpful in preventing him from damaging their relationship.
Some facts on the subject
This subject is as old as the relationship of marriage between man and the woman. However, it is the technology which has made the topic a fresh issue of discussion. Earlier there were no cell phones or laptops but of course, a few decades back the topic of discussions could have been “Should you check your spouse’s letters?”
Coming back to the subject there are many instances of extreme reactions being reported in newspapers when one partner was caught reading SMS messages on the phone or snooping on laptop of the other partner. Still not surprised, then consider this:
- A well know Anti Virus firm reported the findings of a survey that 42% of people look at the e mails of their partners. Equally high is the incident of logging on to the Facebook account of the partner
- There are apps, software and spywares that let the couples track each other’s text messages and e mails.
To Sum Up
To check into the digital world of the partner and to what extent is absolutely a matter of mutual understanding and it cannot be a unilateral decision.
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