Consider these statistics: 50% of first marriages end in divorce.
Here are a few practical tips – how to save marriage and avoid divorce from the experience of people who believe in doing whatever it takes to sustain the biggest institution of life – Marriage.
Improve quality of communication with your spouse
A big percentage of failed marriages could have been saved if both husband and wife worked on their mutual communication. If you ask a divorcee to rewind the movie of his life, there are good chances that he or she would say that it all started with a small matter which was ignored or overlooked. Over a period of time, what was pushed under the carpet gathered many more reasons and circumstances leading to a divorce.
The communication does not merely mean speaking by one person to the other. A good communication means listening well and speaking well. We live in the age of information, therefore, the communication is not merely verbal or face to face, it can be non-verbal, written and sent to text message or e mail etc.
If bad communication or no communication could be root cause of a failed marriage leading to divorce then a good communication can be credited with keeping the marriage going successfully.
The basic purpose of good communication is to help build good rapport between the married couple.
Drop your ego and be more accepting of each other
A marriage is a relationship man created for himself and is a most important one too. As with any relationship, mutual respect plays a crucial role in keeping the relationship going smooth. If you are trying to save a marriage from divorce check how much respect, space, freedom and trust each party is willing to give to the other person. Also check that how much each partner is actually open to the ideas and views of his or her spouse.
It is futile for the husband to expect that his wife will think, behave and act exactly the way he does and vice versa. If the siblings are not having the similar personalities and behavior patterns, it would be foolish to expect two persons born and brought up in absolutely different environments to be mirror images of each other.
The wise step to avoid a divorce would be to accept the ways of each other and find a middle ground where they can both be pleased with the dynamics of the relationship.
Short Video : How to Save Marriage and Avoid Divorce
See a Marriage Counselor
Going to see a marriage counselor does not mean that you have conceded defeat or you are at the last stage of trying to save your marriage. Agreed that it is not an easy thing for the husband and wife to agree to see the marriage counselor together – especially who are not sharing good vibes. But no price is more costly or no situation more unpleasant than the divorce.
A marriage counselor is a trained professional who has the experience of using well tested and well tried marriage therapy and family therapy techniques. He or she has the advantage of listening to your issues and suggesting solutions from a neutral stand point. Above all the confidentiality is almost assured. These are some of the advantages which you can’t find in your friends and relatives.
Complain less, smile more
The durability of Marriage relies on a warm cordial relationship. This demands each partner being able to put aside individual preferences and wants and encompassing each other’s. Setting your own your agenda on priority or giving pretence to you own ambitions are unlikely to be tolerated by your spouse for too long. It will only invite annoyance and frustration.
Strive towards excellence in relationship rather than demand perfection. While you can be successful in getting the former, you can never hope to get the latter.
Therefore to save a marriage from divorce is all about making sure both people in the relationship are happy.
Forgive and Forget
It is quite possible in a marriage where one person has made a lot of mistakes or is generally not working towards keeping the harmony in the relationship and on the other hand the spouse is quietly tolerating this undesirable behavior. Honestly, both are wrong.
To understand this better, there is a famous quotes of Buddha ”Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
The pent up negative feelings inside are one day going to explode and the likely damage would be divorce. Therefore, it is better to rid the mind of negative emotions, clean the system by forgiving and forgetting and move ahead.
Work towards common goals
The tips on saving marriage discusses so far were of preventive nature. Let us now see some positive ways of saving a marriage from a divorce.
There is a big power in goals. Especially if more than one person work towards achieving the goal, there comes in a lot of positive energy, vibrancy and expectancy.
Setting goals as a couple ensures that you always have something common to work together. This common goal with a higher vision can be an excellent tool to keep you together. You will be happily busy in planning and execution. This will give more opportunities to revel together than fight with each other.
Agreed when bitterness sets in there may no longer be many things you have in common with your spouse, therefore, committing to goals that are acceptable to both of you may take some hard work. The instances of common goals could be:
- to have kids
- to plan for a good education and gift a great future to your child
- to buy a house
- to marry off your daughter and settle her nicely
Once you have decided on the goal, both of you will be busy to work out how best to achieve it. In other words, who will stay home to look after the baby and who will continue to work..
Share a passion together
Two strangers become friends and great buddies just because they share a passion or have a common hobby. Marriage is also a friendship between husband and wife who are supposed to share their lives together.
Therefore, rekindle you love, find that hobby or cause you are both passionate about. You could both be very committed towards social service or both of you were great in skiing when in college, so why not fire up your common passion. Let your space be filled up be filled up with positive vibrations, love and compassion, leaving little or no room for any negative vibes.
And always remember what Joseph Campbell said:
“When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.”
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