When you are growing up as a teenager and even after that, one of the toughest challenges is tell someone your feelings. Unfortunately, it sometimes doesn’t get any easier. While telling your crush your feelings is tough when you are shy, you should always remember that he / she can’t read your mind, and you’ll have to make a direct communication sooner or later. Hence we thought of writing on the subject – How To Overcome Shyness With Your Crush.
Why Am I So Shy?
Oh come on! It is completely natural and normal. Almost everyone has this experience and many perfectly normal individuals experience anxiety from time to time, but for most people, it’s situational.
For example, you may experience anxiety before going on your first date or before going on stage to make that speech or before making an important presentation in the office meeting.
But if the shyness or the anxiety touches the extreme limits and becomes a generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder, it can seriously interfere with everyday activities.
How To Overcome Shyness With Your Crush
If you like someone but have not expressed your feelings to your crush, here are a few simple but practical steps which can certainly prove to be helpful.
Stage 1 – Preparing Yourself To Talk To Your Crush
No expert would ever advise you to gather yourself up and speak your mind out to the other person. This would be so unromantic and may never help you to succeed in the delicate matters of love.
Tip #1 Take Baby steps
Small steps are the way to go. Challenge yourself to make a 1 minute conversation with any new person everyday, you might be setting the ball rolling.
So look around in your office, college, school, neighborhood or in the party and have a one-minute chat with someone you don’t know very well.
Let this become a habit and you should be able to draw confidence from it. As the practice increases, you could take the number to two or three per day and the chat time to five minutes.
Try to innovate, make the discussion more interesting. Your aim should be to improve on your previous performance.
Tip #2 Remember the good things about you.
It does not matter if you’re shy! Even then you’ve got lots of interesting hobbies, some good qualities and some cool things in your personality which others might like and appreciate.
So what if you’re feeling pulled down by your shyness, try to remind yourself about all the other cool stuff you’ve got which can push you up.
This is perhaps a universal tip about How To Overcome Shyness With Your Crush.
Tip #3 Spend time thinking about your own feelings about this special person
Just sit alone and think what about this girl or boy attracts you.
- Why do you feel the way you do?
- What are your special feelings for this person?
- Are these feelings romantic, friendly, protective or confused?
If you are not good with words such as writing essays or even short notes, you might require more than one session.
That is OK as long as you are able to ponder about what you want out of your relationship so you can have a clearer idea of what to say.
Write a letter to your crush, putting down your feelings for him/ her. Share some positive traits of your personality too. Write down your thoughts about how life can be more fun and exciting. Of course, you don’t have to send the letter. The idea of writing down your feelings can help you get a handle on them.
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Tip #4 Get to learn more about your crush
Take some time and try to find out some things about your crush. It could be the things you have in common, and things you don’t. For example, the school, the subjects or specialization in academics, the things you agree about, and things you don’t.
Hang out with him or her and his / her friends. If you are a student, sit next to her at class. The idea is to put yourself in a place to chat.
Aim for a situation where both of you could end up liking the same thing, and both of you did not even have the slightest clue because the other person has been hiding it so well.
Stage 2 – Telling Your Crush You Like Him or Her
Okay, you seem to have prepared prepared well. Now it is the time to go ahead to put your practice into action. If two of you don’t often talk, try from now onward and get the other person to initiate conversation.
Tip #5 Talk to him / her like a genuine friend
Forget that you are trying to be in a non platonic relationship. Go out of that zone and every once in a while, just be two friends talking.
The key to a very successful relationship is having your significant other also be your best friend. So start with this approach right from the beginning and always maintain it too.
The flow of conversation will be much easier and your relationship will progress smoothly.
Tip #6 Pick a time and place you are comfortable in
Now you have successfully broken the hesitation barrier and built a communication bridge. You have still not expressed your feelings. So let us prepare the situation for that.
To begin with, you have to make it as easy for yourself as possible. So make yourself feel good. Pick a place or spot that you know well and is suitable for a romantic chat. It has to be a spot which has a relaxed feeling about it and has few people.
Don’t make a big fuss by going to an obviously romantic spot. It could be a quiet hallway or corner after college which is just as good a spot to talk about your feelings.
Tip #7 Humor helps to overcome shyness with your crush
Bring in some humor in the situation. If you still feel shy around your crush, use a bit of humor to lighten the mood.
Say something like, “Things were a lot less awkward between us when I pop some chewing in my mouth.” Show that you don’t take yourself too seriously and can laugh at yourself. Now she too will feel relaxed as well.
Finding humor in a situation is more about finding the lighter side of yourself, even when things get awkward.
Tip #8 Speak Out To Your Crush
Be prepared for what you want to say. Remember the exercise done before (tip#3)? Think about your feelings and find a way to say them.
Let me share with you a good tip to overcome shyness. Just count from 1 to 5, be bold and say it.
I know it is not easy, but it is the best way. Rather, there is no other way to do it. Another tip – just keep it short. (see examples given in the exercise below)
Thirdly, avoid having a long chatting session beforehand. Just say hello, ask how s/he is doing, then launch right in.
Write down a few lines, put together a quick “practice line,” or rehearse the conversation. Initially you may do it in the mirror or mobile camera to cut out any awkward expression but as practice grows do away with this tool. The whole idea is to not make you self conscious. Also when you talk to someone, you are not able to see yourself, right?
These lines of compliments could be:
“That is a great point. I would love to get to know more of your ideas on this.”
“I really enjoy our company, and I was hoping we could become good friends.”
“I like you as a friend. Can we go on a date or two to see where things go.”
“Let’s go out on a date sometime.”
Do read for more ideas: Super Compliments for Women To Melt Hearts
Tip #9 Don’t rely too much on standard lines or borrowed phrases
Preparation is fine. It will give you much needed confidence and clarity but you have to be ready to improvise when the actual conversation starts.
Situations are not standard or factory made. Thus it can be difficult if you are naturally shy, so don’t try to mug up your lines. Say what you want to say quickly, then let your crush talk from there.
Your response to her response doesn’t have to be planned, and let it come off more naturally.
Recommended reading: How to Improve Your Relationship
Tip #10 Take genuine interest in your significant other
If the other person is not sure that you are the right guy or girl for them how will the relationship progress? It is very important to win full trust in her or him if you want the permission to enter their life’s space.
Rather than focusing on your shyness, start discussing deep, meaningful and personal things after sometime.
To further your relationship, it may always be kept in mind that open channels of communication and talking about everything is what gives your partnership closeness.
Not holding back any part of your life is a way that you and him / her can instantly get closer and develop stronger intimacy and understanding.
Please refer to: How to Keep Your Relationship Strong and Fun
When you get a feeling that she or he knows good enough about you, including your personality and life, naturally the shyness wither away because there’s nothing you’re now concerned about revealing or showing to your crush.
Tip #11 Be Prepared for Rejection
So far we have worked systematically on a decent and workable plan. But what if she is already committed or is heartbroken because of a recent break up? Or for some reason your proposal is not acceptable to her and she would prefer not to proceed with the idea.
With the likelihood of such a possibility, prepare yourself for rejection also. If she says she likes you but can’t love you back, it’s no big deal. Just ask if you can still be friends, and act normal. DO NOT be mean to her just because she has said no to you. Remember she has rejected a proposal of yours and not you entirely.
It’s her choice, and she has all the freedom to exercise her choice. Just think this way that you may have just been chasing a wrong girl.
Stage3 : If He / She Likes You
OK now you have got a ‘Yes’. But would you mind answering two questions for yourself?
One, have you been able to fully overcome your shyness?
Second, how do you plan to carry further your relationship with your crush now?
Well at this stage also, we will have some tips and suggestions for you.
Tip #12 Ask him / her on a “casual date”
Instead of jumping to serious dating, it is suggested that you proceed slow and with caution.
Two of you could plan some outings together with some friends. This is a good way to gauge which way your relationship is likely to go. Usually it does not put the pressure of an intimate date if your crush is also shy or hesitant.
Plan a get together with friends or go out to a club for dinner and ask him / her along or have a common friend invite your crush. This way you can see each other in a perfectly safe social setting.
This way you can spend time together and have fun.
Tip #13 Be yourself, even if you are shy
Be honest and natural, whenever two of you meet up. Remember, trying to copy someone is a sure-fire way to fail a relationship.
This means that you have to have enough self confidence. If you lack self confidence then develop it.
Your crush may tolerate a shy partner but never will he/she like a person who does not have enough self-confidence. Lack of confidence also shows that you don’t love or accept yourself sufficiently.
In that case you would not make a very happy couple anyway. Feel more confident by focusing more on her and feel less self-conscious or self critical.
If you’re finding it really hard to overcome your shyness
Overcoming shyness with conscious efforts, firm resolve and under right guidance is quite possible. But it may not be that easy. Also do not expect overnight miracle.
After trying above sincerely trying tips, if you’re still having trouble, you might want to talk it over with someone you trust. It could be a family member, teacher or senior.
If you still find yourself struggling with your shyness, there might be a deeper reason and you may need to visit a counsellor, psychologist, psychotherapist, hypnotherapist or a medical professional.
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