So the things did not work out between two of you. Now you feel that you are in a bit of mess comprising of confusion, memories and lack of direction. Whether it was a breakup of an intense or casual relationship or it was a divorce, the breakup up is always unpleasant, painful and it leaves behind a load of memories. Beyond any doubt, it is not easy to forget your ex or let go of the connection. Hence we bring some suggestions, mechanism, tips and steps on how to forget an ex you still love.
This is because the life has to move on and forgetting is an important activity which must be completed at the earliest.
In addition, in this blog, there is also:
- An interesting video on the same subject.
- A link to the idea for the ladies if they still want their men back.
What are the advantages of forgetting your Ex?
The very first and most essential reason to forget you ex is the need to move forward after the breakup or divorce. In case you do not cut of the ties with the person, you will live in the past rather than the present. An unhealed relationship wound would never allow you to live happily now or in future.
When you don’t let go of the memories of the person you loved so much, it becomes hard to live. This may make you unproductive, unhappy and feeling low while in extreme cases it give you depression or worst, consider committing some self harm.
How to forget an Ex you still love
Forgetting your ex requires a lot of efforts. Sometimes just the efforts are not sufficient to get the desired results. This blog attempts to share with you ways to get over a breakup in a logical process and a step by step approach which can be effectively helpful.
Also recommended: How to Come Out of a Relationship Break Up
The mechanism of forgetting your Ex
The amount of time and action necessary to forget depends on the intensity of the relationship and the effort that you put into forgetting.
It will certainly be helpful to understand how memories are formed to initiate the mechanism of forgetting someone who was once an important part of your life. Each interaction you had with this person created new mental and emotional connections in your mind. In a way, your mind was rewired by your experiences with him or her. Once made, these connections are stay in place.
Therefore, the connections cannot be undone, but the power to these circuits can be weakened or stronger circuits can be created which are pleasant and helpful. These circuits are activated through the triggers, thus the first thing is to understand and remove the triggers which remind of your Ex.
The strategy of forgetting your Ex
Triggers include anything that remind you of your ex and time spent together. It may be pictures, videos, gifts, movies, restaurants, parks and other parts of town where the two of you had been going. To facilitate forgetting you have to remove these triggers from your life. Once the cleaning up has been done, you need to replace these triggers with something different.
Not all triggers are in physical form. Therefore, some changes in daily routine will also have to be done. Otherwise, you will remain surrounded by these triggers in your thoughts, feelings and emotions making it difficult to carry out the exercise of forgetting successful. This may mean making changes in your dress sense, hair style, restaurant you go to eat etc. You may also have to change the friends and places with which two of you were associated with, if they trigger memories of your ex.
While time is the best healer, here are 7 concrete steps you should take to facilitate the process of forgetting your ex partner or ex spouse.
The steps of forgetting an Ex you still love
Now let us focus on specific steps you need to take.
1. Delete everything
Throw away, gift or sell all the memoirs, toys, items, apparels, love letters etc. which trigger the memory of this person. Delete his or her digital presence from your life. This includes phone numbers, chat texts and emails. It might hurt you, or may be difficult but you won’t succeed in forgetting your ex if you no longer have access to these things.
2. Cut off all communication with your ex.
Again difficult and Harsh, but it works. Related Article: When to End a Relationship
Tell yourself that this person was part of your life, but that is past and you have to move on. Do not try to befool yourself by thinking of “remaining just friends”. This will not work if you want to forget your ex because by remaining in touch you will create circumstances and let emotions creep in from back door or side window for the memories to keep coming back. Do you remember “out of sight, out of mind”!
3. Disconnect with his / her family or friends
This is a logical extension of the previous strategy. Not only the person but you also need to stop interacting or communicating with his or her family members and friends.
If you are left with an unfilled void, you might keep interacting with your ex’s relatives or friends hoping to contact him/her. It is like wishful thinking to get back together.
However, if your ex does not approve of this, he / she might get mad knowing about it. In that case, you’ll be left with no choice but to stop. In any case, you are only making it hard for you to forget him/her.
Don’t feel bad, there are lots of people in this world who have relationship problems and they moved on with relationship help.
4. Avoid bumping into each other
This means that you should avoid going to the places where your ex partner or ex spouse usually visits. Bumping into your ex at the shopping mall or restaurant may only make things awkward. This would re-open the wound you are trying to heal. Find new hangouts that you have not visited together.
Even if you do happen to run into your ex, keep the interaction brief but polite. Say “hi” and move away politely. Don’t you think it is a practical relationship advice?
5. Change your house
If possible, move to a new location. This is because your ex knows where to find you or you may have a common route to office. This increases the possibility of running into each other. This might cause you a lot of discomfort.
You may also consider changing your job or asking for a transfer to another location.
If moving to a completely new location is not possible for you, you might move to a place that is farther away in the same city.
6. Staying Occupied
An empty mind is devil’s workshop. So keep yourself well occupied. It is all the more better if you have a job. Still before and after the working hours, the memories of your ex may come to haunt you. During this period, you may like to keep yourself busy with a hobby, socializing, philanthropic work or you may start dating someone. But don’t date someone who is already married. Please see: Disadvantages of Dating a Married Man
7. Take care of yourself
At this point of time the person who needs the help, care and support is YOU. Therefore, give top priority to your physical and emotional well being. It is quite possible that you might have lost your appetite or could find it hard to sleep. In the day, do good amount of exercises or go for long walks or jog to make sure that your body works out, you get good amount of fresh air and oxygen, your body is throwing out toxins and at the end of the day you are exhausted when you go to bed.
This will make you hungry and you should eat well the nutritious food. Also this will help you sleep better or get more sleep.
Also you’ll benefit from the physical activity for your emotional health, as exercise is great for fighting depression. The time spent exercising will keep those harder thoughts swirling around your mind.
8. Acceptance and Time
The earlier and faster you accept the truth that this person has gone away from your life, the better it would be. Face the reality.
In overcoming the void left by your ex, you will need to accept that it takes time, effort and above all patience. Know and accept that the feelings will be more intense if the relationship break is still fresh or recent.
Over a period of time, these sensations will begin to diminish. Of course, there may be times when the memories come back to haunt to you or the feelings fire up again. These sensations may be triggered by things which are periodic such as birthdays or anniversary. Having such reactions is common in overcoming your ex. and you need to be positive and determined.
9. Focus on the other important people in your life
A marriage or love relationship is not the only thing in your life, right? Let the relationship struggles of the past or the marriage breakup not break you down.
Just look around, you still have your close family members and friends who love you dearly.
You need to take cognizance of them and direct your attention towards them. May be someone needs your care while another person has been waiting to shower his / her affection on you. So welcome back these people in your life.
They are the ones who have and will stay with you during hard times. Hence they deserve to be treated special. Spend time with them, especially your parents, siblings and children. According to the author, this is one the best relationship advice.
10. Wish well for your ex.
If you still love your ex, it means you are a noble and pious person. Hence disconnect mentally and emotionally from him on a happy note. This means wish him / her well and wish him or her happiness in life. Love is not selfish.
You don’t have to call or send flowers to your ex. Just pray for your ex to be happy in the new chapter of his/her life.
11.Date someone when you are ready
You may be thinking, “I’ll never find anyone like my ex,” but how would you know if you don’t meet anyone?
First, take the pressure off mind of finding “the right person” and simply focus on meeting new and interesting people.
Dating someone else can help you feel attractive and wanted, some things you may have struggled with after the breakup. Initially the whole idea may sound absurd but this is a practical relationship advice.
Video: How to forget an Ex you still love
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