So are you dating a divorced man or someone close to you is dating a divorced man? Well it is hoped that you know that there is a difference between dating a divorced man and dating a man who has never been married. The divorced man has certain baggage of his past experiences and emotional connections to someone he once loved and perhaps still loves her. In comparison, a man who has not married comes with a somewhat clean mental slate.
Interesting article: Top Reasons for Divorce
There are many more such features which must be considered and thought upon by a lady who is dating a divorced man.
Dating A Divorced Man – Pros and Cons
If you’ve fallen in love with a divorced man, here a few thought provoking points on what to expect as you move ahead in your relationship.
You may like to read: What does a woman look for in future husband
(In case you are a man looking for a suitable wife, you may refer to: What qualities do men look for while choosing their future wife)
1. Check the status of his divorce
Before entering into a serious relationship with such a man, there are a few things you need to check. Is he divorced or still going through the divorce process?
Going further, it would be good idea to check how old the divorce is. This is important in determining whether or not he is willing to have a healthy relationship. Dating a man who has still not come out of the probable emotional trauma – before, during and immediately after divorce could be a tough challenge.
Similarly it could be quite risky to date a man who is still married and is only contemplating divorce. This means he is trying to ride two boats. No one has ever had a happy ending in such a situation. Therefore, stay away from dating and entering into relationship with such a person.
2. Be prepared to accept that he has an ex-wife
In a friendship or in a relationship when you break up, you can completely move him out of your life and quite possibly erase him from your memory too.
However, a man who was married once can’t just wipe away his ex-wife from his life or memory. For all you know, he may still be in love or just in touch with her, especially if they have kids. During some moments together, it is possible to run into some of the family members or friends who ask about his divorce, his ex-wife, kids etc.
Therefore, be mentally prepared to accept the situation that his wife will always be part of his life. So don’t feel insecure, angry, or sad every time you hear her name. May be you have to be prepared for some comparison also – sometimes.
3. Do not be in a hurry to have a perfect relationship
“Do not be in a hurry to have a perfect relationship” is a very loaded statement pregnant with many points of caution and advice for a woman who is dating a married man.
The man may have burnt his hands (metaphorically speaking) in his previous marriage. Naturally such a person may like to ensure that everything is done perfectly and there is no room for any error. He could display this behavior even in smallest day to day affairs like making a shopping list even while going to the vegetables and grocery shopping. Do read: Healthy Relationship Tips For Couples
Another leaned behavior trait of such a person could be that he might not like to give you easy or early access into his life. You would have to first trust fully. Therefore, take time to know and understand each other.
Even two normal persons have difficulty in adjusting initially as they come from different background and each one is a product of different set of circumstances. While you may be an early bird, preferring a lunch date but he may be a typical night owl, preferring dinner or post dinner time.
Such a relationship will demand huge amount of patience from you but it would be rewarding also.
4. Be clear about what he wants out of the relationship
When you begin dating, don’t hesitate to get the clarity from him that what he wants out of this relationship or what he’s looking for. While you may be looking forward to a long term and steady relationship, a man may be dating looking for some fun or an escape from the ordeal he has just been through. Getting clarity is far better than getting emotionally hurt when things get deep. Know When does your husband need your emotional support.
If your goals and expectations match then it is a green signal to continue dating. Must read: How to Keep Your Relationship Strong and Fun
5. What are his views on re-marrying
Continuing with the message of the previous message, it is also better to have a serious talk about him re-marrying. If one of you is seriously interested to take the relationship to the level of marriage while the other person is not, it could lead to a disastrous situation later and waste of time.
For example, you are interested in marriage while the divorced man you are dating is against marriage, or probably not planning to get married again not anytime soon. In that case, before two of you get into anything too serious, accept his views. If he doesn’t want to get married again then do not try to convince him or argue with him. Clearly there is a huge conflict here. Just push him away from your life. Know When to End a Relationship
6. Accept his current financial position
It is quite likely that this divorced man has gone through an expensive legal process, where not only he would have paid the fee of divorce lawyers but also is paying alimony, child support, or both. This means that his bank balance has received a massive hit because of the divorce.
Hence he may not be financially very comfortable for some time, at least in the near future. Do not expect him to spend lavishly on holidays, expensive dinners, expensive gifts, and other activities, even if he wants to.
Let him take care of his financial responsibilities and obligations first. Once you accept this, there would be a better understanding, rapport and harmony between two of you. One day you may even discover that how appreciative your man is for this matured behavior of yours.
You may also want to read: 6 Money Questions Everyone Should Ask In A Relationship
Towards the end
We are human beings and sometime not being able to adjust well with another human being is quite possible. Just because a man is divorced doesn’t mean that you should not consider him at all. For all you know, he may be an excellent partner. However, mentioned above are some of the things you may want to check and be prepared about before dating a him. This will ensure that both of you are on a smooth journey together in life.
Other recommended articles:
- How to Support your Spouse Emotionally
- How to Improve Your Relationship
- Relationship Problems And How To Solve Them
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