There is enough available in the form of articles in magazines, talk shows on Radio and Television and in abundance over internet about tackling the issues of failing relationships and how they can be saved. There are great self-help books, offering profound advice by well qualified authors on how to choose the right partner, build a great relationship, and fix it if there are problems. Of course, it makes a great reading as their guidance is matured and wise. Their directions are right, heartfelt and well-intended. Please read: How to Improve Your Relationship
An Unworkable Relationship
However, there still are some unworkable relations which somehow can’t succeed. No matter how hard one or both the partners may have tried yet their relationship doesn’t work.
If one or more of the following is true for you, it might be worth reevaluating your relationship status.
1. You feel unwanted, insulted, hurt, insignificant on a regular basis.
Over a reasonably long period of time, you feel that you are not being respected or appreciated. There can be many specific variations to this broad problem, such as your partner doesn’t communicate with you. (A regular and good quality communication is vital to any relationship.). Another situation could be that your significant other is too controlling. This may be totally unacceptable behavior as you want a caring and loving partner rather than a tough boss or a controlling parent in that person.
In both the above cases, the crying need is the status of equality and a person you can confide in and take advice and vice versa.
2. Abusive Relationship
Worse than these could be a situation where you are regularly subjected to verbal and / or physical abuse. Please do keep in mind that as an individual you are the only one who can decide how you will and won’t let yourself be treated.
3. Love Hate Relationship
You are in a relationship or you are married but you are not sure if you are enjoying the relationship. You don’t know if you are just bearing each other to be together or tolerating each other to be together. Love Hate Relationship is like running on the treadmill. You are running and burning so many calories yet you are going nowhere – you are at the same place where you started from.
Try to answer for yourself, is it better to continue the entire life like this or would you better off to let this Love Hate Relationship go. Recommended Article: Why have a Love Hate Relationship?
4. You have been cheated and lied to
Absolute trust and unquestioned support are the pillars of a successful relationship. But what if after a long time, you find that your spouse or partner has kept hidden from you some very pertinent information all this while and it is now threatening to blow up the foundation of your relationship.
Some common examples could be:
- A relationship going on in parallel
- A marriage in the past
- An unmentioned child
- Large debts that must be eventually paid out by combining your financial resources
- Past criminal record
- An inheritable disease or potential dangerous mental state which can flare up any time
Any crucially important and serious act or behavior or event in the past which has been hidden from you by your partner might be unacceptable.
- Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair
- Reasons Why Married Men Fall in Love with Other Woman
5. Regular Fights
The differences in habits or thinking have become totally intolerable and it leads to constant arguments and nasty fights rather. No more is anyone interested to intelligently and calmly talking about it to sort them out. In fact, even the kids or neighbors now know the timings / schedule of your fights and how long will it last; how will it end – by somebody banging the door shut and driving away etc.
Of course, you have tried previously to address the issue and nothing has changed.
6. Mutual trust is being replaced by mistrust
He is not the same man you knew in the start of the relationship. There is every reason and enough evidence with you to believe that he is hiding quite a few things from you. Why does he come late in the nights, why does he not share his office or business schedule openly, and why he doesn’t trust you any more with his briefcase or other papers.
Relationships are built through trust, and if he is hiding things from you or lying, you can’t trust your partner anymore. For a man to get your love and attention needs to be trustworthy and honest.
7. There is a third person in your lives
The innocent flattery, the occasional flirtation are now replaced by mechanical kisses and cold hi and bye. May be it is nature’s routine but then someone comes in your of his life. The atmosphere is charged again for one partner whereas it is insult, boredom and cheating for the other.
Well everyone falls in love or fantasizes but in a relationship or the marriage it is responsibility as well as a commitment. Thus neither in a positive nor a negative way, there is no room for the third person. However, if at all happens and the matter becomes serious then it begins to negatively affect your relationship. The distracted partner can no more channelize his or her energies into the relationship. Therefore, instead daydreaming or worse cheating in the relationship it is better to honestly end it.
8. Both of you are markedly different personalities altogether
It is not possible to be exact mirror image of each other. And if by some magic, you become identical personalities then in no time you would get bored of each other. Because both of you will have some tastes, wear same colors, eat the same food and talk the same topics. But that is not the point here. To enjoy the life, the partners are supposed to be complimenting each other so that they can together bring more variety in each other’s lives. If one is good at money management the other is good with management of home and children. While one partner lacks, the other compliments with his or her inherent strength. I remember one of my client couple, while the husband is a great management professional but always thinking, the wife is an excellent driver with a wonderful sense of directions. So there is a clear division of work between them, while going to some place, the wife takes the wheel and the husband either does the talking on phone or is busy thinking something or the other relating to his business, clients or new projects.
But there may be an extreme case where the person behaves completely different from his or her spouse. If the wife doesn’t feel comfortable in short dresses, especially with a certain set of people, the husband always insists that she wear one of those dresses only. Clearly he is not considerate or compassionate nor does he respect his wife’s individuality. Maybe the purpose is to irritate the partner or pull her down or just be pretentious. The other partner has done her best by ignoring or discussing or trying to get the help from marriage counselor or the psychotherapist but of no avail. Whatever may be the reason or the objective but if this behavior has been going on for a rather long period of time and is repeated often – both in private and in public then it is time to end the relationship.
When to End a relationship?
If you identify yourself in any one or more of the above situations, it is a sure sign to end the relationship.
Every relationship has it’s ups and downs. Marriage, with or without children, is tough to pull along pleasantly for one partner alone if other partner couldn’t care less. It is all the more reason that you have to work at it – through good times and bad, both. It’s hard and trying and there’s no doubt about it.
Well, what happens when the good times are outweighed by the enormous weight of the bad? The fighting lasts longer and happens more often. Or maybe it’s the silence of not talking to each other that is just eating you alive.
Rarely do I outright tell clients to end their relationships. I like to impress upon them that eventually we gain more by remaining together, loving and supporting each other. There is a need to cultivate the habit of looking at the persons, surroundings and circumstances in the right perspective and lovingly. The energy of love and togetherness is necessary in the life of each one of us to make the decisions that serve us best.
However, I’ve not supported clients who have not received anything but negativity over the years despite giving best support and time for the other person to mend his or her ways. So if you think that you are in a one sided relationship, then you might want to reassess things.
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