We are all living in the age of “Social Networking”, “Financial Freedom” and ‘Easy Availability”. If your partner has a roving eye and does not mind instant gratification or does not feel guilty to have having an affair or extramarital sex, it is easy for your partner to lose control and “slip”.
So how do you know whether you are being cheated upon or you are just being paranoid about your partner’s infidelity? If you are a good observer then it should not be difficult to check if your partner is ‘enjoying’ good company outside of home and there could be serious relationship problems or marriage problems.
On the other hand, if you may first want to know about the Reasons Why Married Men Fall in Love with Other Woman
Here is a list of some changes in behavior that could mean he’s looking for love and comfort elsewhere.
1. No Eye Contact
Eyes are the doors to the soul. Even if your partner is having an affair, his soul is not able to give approval. Hence there is an element of guilt. At the same time, being a certain personality type, his way of behaving is to develop an emotional barrier between two of you. This one way emotional distance triggered by his infidelity wants to avoid emotional and physical intimacy with you as he has betrayed your trust.
Perhaps there is an inner conflict and he is grappling with it. This is so because he is still not able to kill his inner voice – may be this is his first time or there is a lot of gentleman portion still left in him. Most people are not able to hide their true self and eyes are the door the inner self. So they create a thick wall veil of protection from detection by simply creating the distance.
Going further, you must check if your spouse also avoids being alone with you or is uncomfortable in expressing his love by saying ‘I love you,’ or no longer holds your hand in public or barely hugs you anymore. These signs confirm that he emotionally wants to cut his feelings of affection for you, as he is feeling guilty due to his proximity with the new partner.
2. Sudden changes in his appearance
Just check if your husband has drastically changed his clothing style, hair do or appearance for no apparent need then he may be trying to impress the other woman. Perhaps the other woman has suggested he grow a beard, or use different brand of cologne. Similarly, if your lazy spouse who is fond of football watching on TV has suddenly becomes a morning person and regular to gym, please take it that it may not be you that he’s trying to impress. He may be trying to look good to his new love interest – especially if she is a much younger woman. Or perhaps the other woman is a fitness freak and she works out regularly at the gym. Is it health consciousness or a sure sign of extramarital affair?
Video: 5 Signs your Partner is Cheating – having Extra Marital Affair
3. You are being pampered
In an unsuccessful bid to hide his extramarital, your spouse wants you to confuse you. So he showers you with expensive gifts, candle light dinners at fine dining restaurants thinking that you will never get any clue about his relationship outside of marriage and infidelity.
But expensive gifts like diamonds or flowers or helping in the kitchen are not necessarily making him a sweet husband rather this is the outcome of a guilty feeling from a man who wants to buy peace. He is afraid that when you see through him you will certainly discover his extramarital fling.
4. He has suddenly become inaccessible
He has suddenly made himself very unavailable. Whenever at home, he is busy on computer working on some project or report or an urgent presentation. On holidays he doesn’t stay at home because he is attending ‘some training program” or “new skills workshop” or visiting a friend in hospital.
Similarly when you call him at his office, you are told by his Secretary or colleagues at he is in a meeting with the boss or is on the ‘other line’ or is attending to the client.
In short, he is perpetually “busy”: He busy in office, busy after office hours, busy on mobile phone, busy on the computer. Is he so overloaded and overworked that he’s left with almost no time for you? This is your second clue to the ongoing extramarital affair.
Did you ever wonder – why is he suddenly never around? Is he really that busy at work or he is busy with someone else having an affair. If confronted he is likely to give a number of plausible excuses for his new absentee status which could just be an attempt to cover up the fact that his extracurricular activities involve an extramarital affair. He could be spending the time away from home with another woman.
In the beginning of the affair the other woman usually accepts whatever fragment of time your man can give her, but as the relationship grows, she typically begins to demand more and more of his time.
Another plausible reason could be that the man may just not want to come home because he feels guilty or more comfortable in the arms of the other woman.
5. His phone manners have changed
Have you noticed that your husband now picks up the phone on hearing a short beep? There is a half a smile on his when he is talking to ‘the caller” and he is trying to suppress his happiness and excitement. In your presence the voice conversations are short but chatting is long. He makes sure that after the ‘interaction’ he deletes the ‘history’.
He thinks that others are ignorant fools who do not understand a different kind of texting / e-mailing and talking in monosyllables /whispers / code language?
If you or kids at home notice this repeatedly then there is no room for doubt now that your partner is having an extramarital affair.
6. References to an ideal woman become frequent
If your partner repeatedly talks about what other ideal woman do or behave or how they dress or talk, especially if you have never met them, there is a good chance the reference to his new lover.
He is so enamoured by her style that he consciously or unconsciously keeps comparing you with her and finds you nowhere near the mark set by her.
When you question him that who this woman is or who these women are, he says, “they are in my social circle or just a friend’s wife,” but his enthusiasm is just a bit too much to digest.
While you may assume no man would be stupid enough to actually bring up his mistress with his wife or girlfriend, psychologically speaking “it is quite possible”. Simply because, he may be thinking so much about this new friend and the relationship – so much that he can’t help talking about her. This is a subtle but sure sign that your husband is having an extramarital affair and your relationship is in potential problem.
7. Noticeable change in his Behaviour at home
You and other family members too have found perceptible changes in his behaviour. Sometimes he is very irritable and doesn’t want to discuss anything leave alone be a good husband or father or a friend while at other times he is at his very best. Why this is so? It is simply his moods not being in his control. There is a definite role of the emotions on his moods and the resultant behaviour. It is either the stress of riding on two horses or the emotion of guilt which pulls him down or the great time he spent with his new partner gives him an injection of happiness – but all these emotions come and go quickly.
Under the influence of good mood he may offer to take you out for dinner or shower his love while when under stress he may get angry, argumentative or sometime violent too!
In short, his sudden unpredictable behavior is loud and clear message that he is under stress of an extramarital relationship. Mentally, emotionally, physically and sometimes financially your partner is finding it too difficult to be at two places at the same time – all thanks to his extramarital affair.
8. Secretive Nature
This is an extension of the previous point. He gets startled when you catch him unawares on computer or on mobile – chatting or texting. It is because you are not part of his other world as he has been hiding it from you. Added to this is his guilt.
His behavior can be characterized as secretive, unusual or unexplained. This should alert you about the possibility of your partner cheating on you. The signs of his ongoing extramarital affair are computer screen changing when you walk into the room, telephone conversations in whispers or caller being told “I’ll call you back”. Suddenly he is reluctant to take you places where he unwinds should make you suspicious, that your partner is straying.
9. Your Gut feeling tells you so
We humans have excellent sixth sense which is not given much importance because of the lack of scientific evidence. But if you notice that he is behaving strangely, acting smart or is hiding something then you have a reason to believe that seeing someone else. Please don’t ignore your instincts – no woman is so naive!
Your hunch will usually help you recognize the signs of an affair. Why? Because you are leading different lives, remain distant, keep arguing or fighting, don’t make love as often as you used to, and don’t have fun being together any longer. Of course, if you are negative yourself then your gut feeling could prove to be wrong. So just be sure before you suspect.
What to do if your husband is actually having an ExtraMarital Affair
First of all it is shocking news, which may take anything from a few hours to a few days (or longer) to digest and sink in.
To accept the fact, you may have to make yourself stronger than what you are. Check out: How to be Strong Emotionally and Mentally.
After that depending on your personal circumstances, family conditions and other factors, you chose from very mild response to a strong reaction.
In case you want to save the marriage and think that it can be done then you may please refer to: When does your husband need your emotional support. If you are good at counselling and your husband also decides to stop fooling around then you deserve a big round of applause for your patience, efforts and careful handling of the sensitive issue. Please do refer to: How to save Marriage and Avoid Divorce.
But if you think that the situation is slipping out of hands then Why have a Love Hate Relationship?
If you are victimised husband
You may like to refer to: Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair
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