It is not uncommon to come across married men having a relationship with another woman. Perhaps it has been happening in the past also and will continue to happen in future too. Also I am not implying that Married Women don’t cheat: please see Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair.
Not just the celebrities like films stars, industrialists, politicians, sportsmen, authors but the common man also is also having extra marital affairs or just flings.
It may just start with an innocent friendship or even an acquaintance and one day cross the line over to extramarital relationship. It may also be called by other names such as infidelity, adultery or even cheating on the spouse.
While the wife may accept or even tolerate once in a while a hug or even a kiss with other woman but may threaten the sanctity of the existing relationship or marriage if it happens too often. If the meetings, interactions or kissing progresses farther to more intimate kind of relationship it is sure to ruin the marriage or primary relationship.
There have been numerous surveys which have been carried out to measure the rate of extramarital cases among the couples but rather than going into the statistics suffice it would be say that the reported infidelity hovers around 13 % with the peak of 20% occurring for couples in their 40s.
Similarly the reasons why men cheat on their spouses are many and varied. The most frequent three to four basic reasons for engaging in extra marital affairs – you must have guessed it – had to do with sex, connection or validation and then true love.
During my counselling sessions, my married male clients often confess to being happily married, but have fallen in love with another woman. So, let us explore the reasons why married men fall in love with other woman.
1. Psychological and Emotional Need
Just as a woman would look for a father figure in another man to fulfil her emotional needs for security and protection, a man too would look for an image of someone like mother figure or ex to fill a void for affection and care “that woman” can perhaps give.
The other woman would be caring and nurturing as well as be a source of strength and motivation in the times of difficulties. She may have better experiences of life or more confident, her proper support and guidance in tough situations will make him feel more confident.
Recommended reading: How to Support your Spouse Emotionally
2. Emotional Satisfaction
For one reason or other, there may be lack of mutual understanding in the primary relationship. The husband may not feel emotional connect or feel lack of respect that he as the partner deserves. This lack of emotional satisfaction could be a compelling reason for men seeking emotional intimacy with another woman. Here physical intimacy may or may not be there.
Another variation to this could be men seeking emotional validation from someone else since the existing partners have been too busy with their individual priorities. Drifting apart over a period of time, the partners fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship. For instance, giving and receiving appreciation and emotional support are key factors in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other.
3. Just for Fun
Even in a happy marriage, it is possible for men to have a roving eye or even crave affection from another lady. It is quite possible that one or both the partners involved can’t control their lust, this usually starts with locking of eyes followed by a casual affair and it quickly leads to an affair.
If caught or confronted, the logic usually given by such men is that just because someone is married does not mean that they can’t love someone else too.
Video:7 Reasons why Married Men Cheat
4. When the lady is Open to Love
No man can enter a woman’s space without her permission and vice versa. If a man gets a signal of love or invitation to a relationship which is loud and clear then only a few will decline such an invitation.
Another key understanding is that the man was waiting and was ready for love as soon as he received the invitation.
Men will easily fall in love with someone who is open, approachable and is ready to be loved.
On the other hand women also enjoy alluring men towards them.
5. Enjoyable Intimacy
Different studies have pointed out that women reach their sexual peak quite later in life. If their desires are too much or remain unfilled (partially or fully) they would not mind developing intimate relationship with men whom they find to be energetic, more dynamic and hot etc.
This resultant intimacy is the basis for extra marital relationship for fulfilling of purely physical desires. As a result, married men who don’t mind an extra marital affair fall for other women with an idea to improve their sex lives.
Recommended reading: How to save Marriage and Avoid Divorce
6. Reward themselves with additional dose of sex
This may sound a relatively strange reason but it is possible that some husbands have this desire to reward themselves when they achieve something to do self gratification or self congratulation through more sex with other woman.
7. Ego Boost
Whatever were the reasons and circumstances that connected the man to another woman, he now starts enjoying it. He feels like a super hero. The feeling that females still crave for him or there is a lady (other than his wife) who is madly in love with him and cares for him.
Some men want to know and feel they are worthy of love. They also need to show off this relationship of love.
For such and similar reasons, he considers other married men as inferior who are chained to same peg forever.
It is also possible for the lady to have some superior feeling when married men find her beautiful, attractive and irresistible. Such a lady will drive immense psychological satisfaction when men give her tons of attention, gifts and take her out besides bearing her tantrums.
8. Financial Rewards
If the deadly combination of money, confidence and lust ‘for more’ is given a free hand, everyone gets smarter with age and so do women. They have no hesitation in attracting the men towards them (irrespective of their marital status) with their pulling power. A woman who has lots of money, influence and position can easily attract men to her.
Similarly, younger women are drawn to people older than them who have lots of money, position and power etc.
Thus the gains are clear, there is an exchange of contentment with money and other favours.
9 . Strike a Better Chord
The most solid foundation of any relationship is the rapport which the two persons enjoy with each other. This comes from the communication between the partners. A woman who has one or more of the qualities such as the ability to indulge others in intelligent conversations, beautiful, fit, healthy, rich can make any man ( and necessarily married man only) get lured into falling for her.
The best way to ensure distraction is to know when does you husband need emotional support and be with him at that time.
10. She is all that which his wife is not
A married man may come across a woman who has certain qualities, assets or traits which he always wanted in his lady but could not find in his wife. He starts getting attracted towards and spends time with her. One day he realizes that “he is in love with her”. He begins to have feelings such as “he can’t live without her” etc.
Clearly it is not necessarily physical attraction only. It is simply the package which his wife is not but the other lady is.
Recommended reading: What qualities do men look for while choosing their future wife?
11. Like Attracts Like
Considering all the points mentioned above, whether need is just attraction or fun or excellent compatibility or serious filling of the emotional void whatever one is willing to have and other partner can provide there is a fit case of a married man falling in love with other woman.
12. To climb up Social Ladder
Consider a person who is craving for recognition and respect in the society, while he has earned a good college degree or has done quite well in his chosen field of career. While he is already married to a homely, dutiful and simple lady he comes across a lady who can take him up not through the stair case but through the elevator. But the lady wants her price and if that man is willing to give it is an extra marital affair in the eyes of society which amounts to infidelity or cheating if they are getting cosy in their relationship but it is apparently a win win situation for both of them.
13. Career Ambitions
This situation too is not very different from the previous one. Only the subject matter of desire has changed. The married man is coveting a fast career growth and he comes across a woman who could be powerful, older or both and helps the person to move up in the organisation or the industry. May be she is his boss and the man is more than willing to oblige to her reasonable / unreasonable demands – perhaps he is too weak to say NO!
14. Change in Socio Economic Status
Consider a man who hails from a very modest background. Starting from the poorest strata of the society, he has used all his energy to educate himself, make a decent career. He has moved from a village or a small town to a metro town where is now seeking to establish himself with an idea of making a handsome income and carving a place for himself. But most striking aspect of his life is that he lacks connections to establish an identity.
The answer to his prayers comes in the form of a woman who not only is well connected but can also be the one who is more caring, compromising and understanding towards the man. There is excellent communication between them leading to a good rapport. She caring, compromising and understanding towards the man. Of course, if left unchecked it will lead to a love affair and an extra marital affair.
The most important foundation of a marriage or the relationship is mutual trust. The other partner’s is his and her commitment, character and faithfulness are the flavors of the mutual trust. Hell can break loose if one discovers that his or her partner is cheating. How the husband reacts to such a situation depends on a number of situational, psychological and social factors. But in a relationship that is suffering, the desire to hurt the partner who is cheating seems to be one of the options available to the husband. He tries to seek a revenge by himself doing exactly the same – as he thinks it is OK to counter one wrong with another wrong.
Quite a few married men can justify this as the main cause of their extra marital affairs.
16. Total Package
Consider the situation or circumstances where the married man meets a lady and is bowled over totally by not just one but by the combination of many of the reasons given above. It could be her beauty, her personality, her brain, her social status, some mysterious charm of her and he wants her to be a part of his life now. He can’t think of his future without her!!
Considering the points mentioned above, whether the need is emotional or financial or it just infatuation or fun or excellent compatibility or serious filling of the emotional void but one is willing to have and other partner can provide then there is a fit case of a married man falling in love with other woman.
This aptly explains why married men get charmed by other woman. Not only they fall head over heels but there are apparently many gains by both the partners – at least till the relationship lasts. It is better in the interest of all and from a long term point of view that there is no cheating.
But the basic question is why do they take such emotional and practical risks?
Also please see:
- Get Married Get Healthy! Is it true?
- How to Improve Your Relationship
- Why Married Women Cheat and have Extra Marital Affair
These reasons are just a few but important ones. You are free to add more reasons in the comments box below.