Imagine a man or a woman, who is so excited to find a girl friend or a boy friend. This person is at his best always – whether it is the work place or discotheque or bar or a restaurant. Then there is a meeting with the person of the desired profile, they go on a date, they are so excited to meet each other. Passions are on fire. This person finds it difficult to stay without his new found special friend for more than 3 or 4 hours (I am not being very specific) so there is calling, texting and sending of video or picture messages. More outings, dinners and dates happen. Relationship starts and finally they decide to get into a committed relationship – marriage or live in.
After some time, the excitement dies down, they get caught up in their respective responsibilities – mostly career. They see less of each other and love gets substituted with complaints, cribbing and nagging. The expectations begin to mis-match. See How to save Marriage and Avoid Divorce.
Don’t you somewhere identify someone you know with this typical scenario? Also see Why have a love hate relationship?
Challenges to Maintaining a Great Relationship
Almost every marriage or relationship goes through this challenge at one stage or the other, sooner or later. It is human to seek love and attention from the partner and as long it is done there shall be a good relationship of give and take. But it is easier said than done. It can be difficult sometimes to be fully attentive, always empathetic or in a jolly good mood. If one partner finds it challenging to romantic, cheerful, bubbly, vivacious on demand, how long can the other partner bear with this is a matter of time only.
That brings us to the million dollar questions….
How to Improve Your Relationship or How to have a Great Relationship
Well the first requisite would be to have a great desire or a genuine intention to have a great relationship – now, in future and forever. The idea is that each person should make his or her partner feel great, comfortable in the relationship rather than outside the relationship.
So it has to begin with the intention and the rest will follow.
Proceeding further with this advice, you need to develop or increase following qualities in your personality:
1. “Pay Attention” to improve relationship
Paying attention requires physical as well as mental presence in front of your partner. In today’s fast paced world and ever increasing levels of ego, this is a major challenge. Even if the couple find time to be with each other and assuming there are no distractions like phone calls or e mails or kids barging in, the modern life style has severely limited the attention span. It is common to see that while one partner is making a point or showing something the other partner starts looking around or starts gazing at his mobile phone. This makes the conversation break – as it is necessary to both the partners send and receive communication to each other. Even one person is not responding back how can there be a healthy or romantic conversation?
Solution to improve relationship: Put aside everything you are doing. Just connect with your partner, let your wife or husband or husband or boy friend have 100% of your attention. Let him or her feel that you are just the same as you were during the initial days of courtship and you are still the same. You have not changed at all. Let there be eye contact, an expression, even if tiny that I care for you and you are someone special. May be your wife waited for 5 house to tell you that she found an old photo which you took during the first dinner together.
The best adhesive force which binds two persons together in a relationship is presence and not presents.
Tomorrow morning onward, on the breakfast table can you sit and eat together without looking at your phone or glancing at the newspaper headlines.
Believe you me – it is worth trying if you want to improve relationship!
2. “Praise and Support your partner genuinely” to improve relationship
Call it by whatever name you may like to – appreciation or support – these are the names of one thing – acknowledging the presence of your spouse in your life. She or he knows that there is a space for him or her in your life. This is the real source of energy of the relationship. When you express gratitude or appreciation or congratulate and mean genuinely by saying “thank you”, “ charming”, “go ahead”, I am always by your side”, “congratulations”, “well done darling”, “great job” or “excellent cooking”, you are re-vitalizing your relationship regularly and constantly – improving it further.
This fulfils the basic human need of being appreciated and belonging to a place. The praise or appreciation –acts like the force of gravity making the person grounded to the relationship without which he or she will have free float and fly away one day.
Don’t wait for your partner to perform big acts so that you can appreciate. Rather you can show appreciation for the person as s/he is and express it clearly. Appreciate the struggle your husband is going through at managing a difficult and demanding boss, or the efforts your wife puts in everyday to keep the house neat and tidy, take the kids to dance classes or for maths tuition classes and cook a wonderful dinner for you all.
Another way is to encourage your spouse to talk more about a subject of concern or the recent achievement. If it is an achievement it will make him or her feel important and if it is about a challenge or difficulty, the talking will take some burden off her shoulders by letting her speak and be heard. Empathize, agree, support should be your guiding factors.
3. “Give Joy of Living” to improve relationship
Let me share a metaphor. Suppose you go to a nice restaurant for dinner with your family. As expected, you are served well cooked and tasty food. But on the top of it the crockery and cutlery is top class and expensive, the food smells great and the restaurant owner serves complimentary champagne. So while you were expecting good food and the great service, the complimentary wine and great ambiance came as welcome additions which were highly appreciated by you and your family.
Coming back to our main subject, if you also shower your spouse with admiration along with attention and appreciation, you are making his or her life with you a heaven on earth. Let the words like praise, adoration, respect and admiration in private and public be your guides to spark up your love life.
To wrap up
Even if you feel that there is nothing wrong with your relationship now or just wish that it could be better then also you can try these simple strategies. Of course, to improve relationship or have a great relationship there has to be constant presence of two most important ingredients – intention and constant efforts. Use your intention to give attention, compliment, empathize, support, appreciate, love, adoration, respect and admiration.
Try them now onward and improve your relationship tremendously.
Did you like this blog? You are welcome to share with your dear ones so that your loved ones can take control over their life and enjoy life better.
Also please share your views and experiences for the benefit of other readers.